You know that mildly panicked feeling you get when you found out your friend’s mother just died and you really don’t know what to say?

你有沒(méi)有過(guò)這樣驚慌的經(jīng)歷：你好友的母親不幸去世，她正沉浸在撕心裂肺的痛苦之中，你卻不知道如何去安慰她?

Breathe. It will be okay.

深呼吸，你能行的。

1. Not so good – “God will never give you more than you can handle.”

不要說(shuō)：“上帝不會(huì)讓你承受更多苦難。”

Even if the person has a faith system that includes God, this phrase has the tacit implication that if you can’t handle things, you must not have enough faith, you’re a bad Christian, etc.

如果這個(gè)人對(duì)上帝有著很堅(jiān)定的信仰，這句話就有了隱藏的含義：也就是說(shuō)如果你處理不好這件事，你肯定是沒(méi)有堅(jiān)定的信仰，不是虔誠(chéng)的基督徒等等。

Better – “This must be so hard for you.”

不如說(shuō)：“我知道你肯定非常難受?！?/strong>

2. Not so good – “I’m sure it’s all for the best.”

不要說(shuō)：“我想這一切可能是最好的結(jié)果?！?/p>

Ack! Try really hard not to say this! Right now, the grieving person doesn’t see that anything is for the best except to have her loved one back.

我的天，千萬(wàn)別說(shuō)這句話!這個(gè)沉浸在悲痛中的人并不覺(jué)得一切是好結(jié)果，除非她的至親能夠復(fù)活。

Better – “It’s hard to understand why these things happen.”

不如說(shuō)：“真不知道為什么會(huì)發(fā)生這樣的事情?！?/strong>

3. Not so good – Saying nothing at all.

不要：什么都不說(shuō)。

This is actually one of the worst things that can happen to a grieving person: having people ignore his pain. If you’re not sure what to say, or are uncertain that the person wants to talk about it, it’s okay to say just that.

周?chē)娜撕鲆曀膫矗@對(duì)傷痛的人來(lái)說(shuō)可能是最壞的事情之一了。如果你不知道去說(shuō)些什么，或者不確定他是否愿意聊這件事，那就直接說(shuō)出來(lái)吧。

Better – “I’m not sure what to say but I want you to know I’m here for you.”

不如說(shuō)：“我不知道該說(shuō)些什么，你只要知道我一直都在你身邊。”

4. Not so good – “He’s in a better place” or “Just be happy he isn’t in pain anymore.”

不要說(shuō)：“他去了更好的地方” 或 “開(kāi)心點(diǎn)，他不再痛苦了?！?/p>

These things are always so well-intentioned, but ouch! The place the griever wants him to be is with her, no matter how much pain he was in or how difficult the caregiving was.

這些話的初衷的確是好的，但是悲痛者還是希望至親就在自己身邊，無(wú)論至親有著什么樣的痛苦或者無(wú)論照顧起來(lái)是多么的麻煩。

Better – “You must miss him terribly.”

不如說(shuō)：“你肯定十分想念他?！?/strong>

5. Not so good – “I know exactly how you feel.”

不要說(shuō)：“我完全知道你的感受。”

This is very tempting to say, but be careful: Even if you have experienced a loss, each person has their own unique path to travel so you can’t know exactly how he feels.

我們總會(huì)說(shuō)這句話，但是記住，即使你也失去過(guò)親人，但每個(gè)人的生命旅途不一樣，所以你并不可能完全知道別人的感受。

Better – “I can’t begin to understand how you feel”

不如說(shuō)：“我沒(méi)法真正體會(huì)你現(xiàn)在的感受?！?/strong>